IC INBOX for FADE RIFT

[slipshot]

 

Gavin has a little box stuffed full of notes. Feel free to stuff one in there, if you like, or come say hi.

 

The notes may just be all doodles. 

just saying.

 

Comments

[slipshot]

[Oh. There's a pause on the other side, and a shuffling, as if Gavin is moving from where he had been a moment ago.]

Ah- [Way to ask the easy questions, Zevran.] I don't know how to put it, exactly, but it...

It started to get hard to think about other things. [He is not the best with words when it comes to feelings. Stories about other people? Way easier.]

Every tiny thing was suddenly a hundred thousand times more important.

[ombranera]

Frustrating? A lack of focus or...thoughts of him would intrude when you were otherwise occupied?

[ More important, that could...that did match a good deal of what he felt. ]

[slipshot]

Yeah. [There's a pause, and then a weak laugh.]

Not that I'm the most focused at the best of times, but... I don't know, it sounds stupid, Zevran, but when I met him here again, it was like-- [An invisible frown, and he tries to find the right words. Fate? A second chance?]

Like being hit by a rock from behind. And suddenly half the time all I could think about was the damn welt on the back of my skull.

[ombranera]

Before here- when you first met. How did you know you cared for him then? I simply-

I do not understand how one chooses to leave themselves so vulnerable- is it something that cannot be helped?

[slipshot]

Ah - [He sounds a little sheepish here] I guess I figured it out when I was supposed to be saying goodbye. I went to go see if he wanted a night's company and... couldn't do it.

[There was a pause, there, a hesitation.]

So, I left without really saying goodbye at all. And ran. If that answers your question. I did try to -- I thought it would be best, if I left things as they were, because I didn't want it to hurt worse.

But I still ended up here.

I don't think I'm any more vulnerable than I would have been if I just kept telling myself that it wasn't true.

[ombranera]

...That does not help me. I do not wish to bed anyone at the moment, regardless of sentiment. Brasca.

[ He does not flop over on his bed like a moody teen- absolutely not. He simply. Curls around Doghren and starts playing with her ears. ]

What does one do with such sentiment? You and Max- you seem to have worked it out.

[slipshot]

[There's another shuffling sound, and then sort of a thump, as Gavin sits down on the outer wall. The fact that Zevran doesn't want to bed anyone... Isn't surprising, given his current state, but it rather indicative of it.]

It might be easier to help you if I knew what I was helping you with.

I don't know about having it all worked out, I just... I prefer being with him than not. I'm not sure what you're looking for, Zevran.

[ombranera]

...I may be experiencing shades of sentiment for someone and remain uncertain if that is, in fact, what I am feeling or if it is merely lust.

[slipshot]

[... Huh.]

Shades of sentiment... [It's such a Zevran thing to say that he has to fight down the bemused smile that is struggling to reach his lips - just because he really doesn't want Zevran to hear it in his voice. So there are a couple of seconds before he replies.]

I think if you really have to ask, Zevran...

[ombranera]

I- no. This isn't- it can't be that. I do not indulge in that. Least of all with a human nobleman. Technically nobleman. Human of noble leanings.

[slipshot]

Human noblemen aren't all that bad. [Considering the... two that he knows.]

And I'm sure any nobleman you have... shades of sentiment about... is probably worth the sentiment in the first place.

[ombranera]

It does not end well. It will not end well! He's- However it is with you and Maxwell is an exception to the rule and he is-

This is now how it is supposed to be. I am not supposed to be charmed I am the one that does the charming.

[slipshot]

Well that's certainly true. [He says it with a soft smile, echoed in his voice.] I'm sure you charmed him first, at least.

[There's a pause, there, thoughtful, and when he continues his voice is a little sadder.]

Nothing is guaranteed to end well, Zevran. Things are guaranteed to end, but that's about it. Why not just enjoy it in the meantime? I'm sure A--[There here pauses, the letter coming out like an "ah" instead of the A for Alistair that he meant to say. No matter how sure he is of the name, Zevran has been careful not to say it, so instead he corrects himself] --anyone here already knows that the future is anything but certain.

[ombranera]

Of course I charmed him first. When we met I was in a most pathetic state. Afterward it was easier to make a better impression and honestly, if I am able to charm someone when I am in so poor a mood snagging them when I am at my best? Is easily done. It is just-

I have known him for some time and I thought I knew where it was we stood. I thought I knew the state of things. Now it is all in question.

[slipshot]

Well that... Happens. You know as well as I do how people can change, sometimes over night. Is it that surprising that your feelings might, too?

[ombranera]

I am not having feelings for that man. I am...confused. That is all. It is his fault for being confusing.

[slipshot]

[A small snort.] Everyone has feelings about everything Zevran, regardless of what those feelings are.

Do you - ah - know what his actually are? By any chance?

[ombranera]

He is fond of me, I know that much. Perhaps a little enthralled but that is not so strange a thing. Have you seen me? You have. I am enthralling.

[ He takes a moment to decide that, yes, he does feel that way today. Good. ]

But he is human, he is noble, and he is- everything I know not to become involved with on a deeper level. Sharing a bed now and then is one thing but anything more? It is foolishness.

[slipshot]

You are, I can't deny that. [Said with an incredible fondness.]

[He listens, and then there is a long pause on the other end, as he considers his words carefully.]

They aren't all... that kind of human noble... [He starts, though the words are still hesitant.] I know you, Zevran. I don't think you'd have any real tolerance for someone who wasn't - worthy of it. [There's a slight hesitation, not because he doubts it, but because the self-loathing made him realise that he could also mean himself, but beyond the small hitch of breath, that thought is not voiced.]

Of course it's foolish. If you get down to the brass tacks of the thing. Any sort of relationship with anyone at all is a fool's errand. But it... might make you happy, for a while.

[ombranera]

You're giving me far more credit than I deserve. It does not matter if they're worthy of my attention or not so long as they're good in bed. And he? Is a marvel. I've never had the like.

Though I will admit pointing out my experience with nobles of that sort left him upset.

[slipshot]

Bed is one thing, Zevran, and your time and attention are another. Otherwise you could just take it and leave it as you would.

Pretty sure that if you're questioning yourself this deeply about it, it's a bit beyond the 'this is a normal human noble I'm going to wreck for the night and then leave'....

Huh. What did you tell him?

[ombranera]

That I cannot simply unlearn two decades worth of wariness around him. That my assumptions did not come from nothing and are less 'assumption' and more lessons.

[slipshot]

Well, I mean - that is true. It makes more sense to be straight with him about it than to let him pretend that there's no history, or precedence.

But you wouldn't be talking to me about it if you didn't think he was different.

[ombranera]

...Brasca. He is- sweet. I am not accustomed to sweetness. Nor tenderness. Nor foolishness- he is foolish around me in a charming way.

[slipshot]

[He can't help but grin, and it is audible when he speaks.]

That sounds pretty far from your average noble to me. [Maybe teasing, a little, and then, a little more serious:]

You know that if it ever came down badly, Zevran, you just need to tell me and I'll bring my knives, too. [He doesn't even use knives, but 'my bow' doesn't sound nearly as threatening.]