slipshot | IC INBOX for FADE RIFT

[ The night after she gets back, Beleth goes to find Gavin again. It's still a little odd, just...having him there when she needed him. Odd, but nice. As soon as she locates where he's holed up for the night, she once more flops down and curls up next to him, pressing her face to his chest. After a few moments, she speaks. ]

I'm back. We're all back. Zevran is back.

...

I'd like a hug. Maybe several.

[He had been fully asleep, and the weight on his side had immediately made him think that Maxwell had come to join him after all, and he had woke with a smile -- Only to hear a very different voice from the one he had been expecting. However, the words themselves were so exactly what he needed to hear that instead of questioning her arrival, he just turned fully toward her and dragged her into a fierce hug.]

Thank the creators.

[ She doesn't elaborate for a while, just letting her arms slip around him and grip him just as tightly, as if she was afraid she might slip away if she didn't. She needs this, being held and feeling safe and like things might be okay now. Once she relaxes enough, her shoulders start shaking. She didn't cry the entire way there or back. But now it's okay. ]

Zevran's okay--No, he's not. He's--He's hurt bad. Inside and out. But he's alive. We're all alive.

[The words were like a kick to the gut. And he hadn't been there. What kind of friend was he? The urge to run off right that second and go and find him was intense - but so was the blanket of shame that fell over him at the thought, and instead, he stayed where he was and just hugged Beleth tighter, the dampness spreading in the cloth touching his shoulder was enough to ground him to what was here, and important.]

I should have been there. But you're safe now, Beleth, I promise. Where is he?

[ She feels horridly selfish, being so bent out of shape when she was fine, she walked out of the situation with nothing but bangs and bruises. But she feels tense enough to snap in two, like a rope pulled to the breaking point. And the crying helps that tenseness start to loosen. ]

He's--um. He's in his room.

I'm sorry Gavin, you can go now, if you want.

[ She doesn't want him to, but she can't blame him. Zevran is the one who nearly died. He was the one who would never be the same person after this. ]

Later. [There's no question - he'd already worked through it in his head, and decided where he was supposed to be.]

I'll go later. It's alright. You can stay here tonight, if you want.

Thank you.

[ She's thankful for that, and her voice shows it. She takes a few shuddering breaths, before absently trying to wipe some of the dampness from her eyes, then his shoulder. It doesn't help much. ]

It was so awful, Gavin, we tracked them all the way to Antiva. We saw what they wrote, and there was always blood in their camps. And then we got to their stronghold. Um--I came up with a plan to get inside. And we used it. And it actually worked...

But there was this flesh golem. I can still see it whenever I close my eyes. It was--It was awful.

[ She's not going to describe it and give him nightmares, too. ]

Some people wanted to run, and some people wanted to fight it, so I stayed with the people fighting it. And it vomited acid on me, and our healer had to come back and help me so I could still use my hands...And then all the Crows we'd killed, their corpses rose and attacked us. And they mobbed me. I thought I was going to die.

[ She shuddered, pressing her face back into his shoulder for a few moments. It was a strange feeling, a sense of morbid calm. The knowledge she was going to die, and there was nothing she could do about it. ]

...Then they exploded. Into bile. It was really. Really gross.

[Whatever story he had been expecting, that one... wasn't it. He felt his stomach twist, an ill feeling wash up from it and grip at his throat, stealing whatever words could have come there. What was there to say?

So he didn't speak, he just hugged her even tighter, as if he could bring her into the present by sheer force of will - ground her here, not there, with warm arms.]

[ She wants to talk about Zevran, about how he was, what they'd done to him, but that's not hers to reveal. The scars on his body, the way he looked, the way he spoke--It haunted her still, but it wasn't her hurt to reveal. She just lets Gavin squeeze her, taking comfort in the warmth. ]

It feels like...everyone I know is hurt or hurting. And I'm just. Here. Feeling bad for myself because bad things happened to other people.

You aren't 'just here'.

[The words are quiet - he was still struggling with the story, trying to picture it and coming up only with horror.]

You are far from 'just here', Beleth. I... Thank you. For going after him. Don't admonish yourself for your feelings... It's only natural for you to feel bad when other people are. But you're doing everything you can to alleviate the hurt.

Am I doing everything I can?

[ She certainly isn't right now, she's just being miserable and getting Gavin's shirt wet. But his words still visibly relax her. She did try, after all, no one can deny that. She got her ass kicked, and she might have almost died, but she did try.

And Zevran was back. ]

...Thank you, Gavin. I just don't...want to feel like I haven't done enough. That I'm putting my own troubles over other people's.

But. We did it. And I was scared, but I didn't give up. I guess that counts for something.

You're doing far more than me. [He says the words wryly, as if he is joking, but he isn't. The guilt is sharp as a knife in his chest. He snuggles in closer, nuzzling his nose into her hair.]

It counts for everything, Beleth. Trust me.

IC INBOX for FADE RIFT

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