slipshot | IC INBOX for FADE RIFT

[ She's not sure that's true, but it's a nice thought. She appreciates the sentiment, at least. If she was so great, she wouldn't be constantly doing those petty things and being rude and blaming people for wanting to be happy. She doesn't feel caring. ]

I don't think I outstrip most people in being kind. I'm not saying that I'm unkind, but I don't think it's unusual to be as caring as I am.

[ She gives a quiet sigh, leaning into him. He's not her twin, but Gavin is close. He's like an older brother (and that rude part of her whispers that with the way he constantly takes off, he fits in the constantly distant family). And she knows that she's not being particularly kind right now, throwing his words back in his face. He's trying to help. ]

There are a lot of kind people here. More than I thought there would be.

--And that does matter, those are important considerations for bonding.

It isn't about outstripping. [He shifted, sliding so that her head was resting on his shoulder, and so that he could slide his fingers aimlessly through the short curls.]

It isn't about being better than everyone else, you just have to be good for that person. No one is perfect. [Creators knew, he wasn't. There was a slight pause - it was hard to give anyone advice on bonding, considering. But Beleth...]

It isn't a competition, or a race. [His voice was oddly quiet, a rumble in the back of his throat. Not quite sadness, or grief, but almost a gentle longing.] It isn't... something that you should do, simply because you think you should do it. You'll find someone and you will think 'Yes, this is right', and then it will be.

[ She wants to point out that it is about outstripping, that you only have one person you can bond with, and it makes sense for others to want the best they can get. But she's already voiced enough stuff to make Gavin think that she's crazy, probably. Because how can you be good enough for that person if you aren't the best for them?

And bonding was a little...ahead of herself, anyway. She certainly didn't want to bond with anyone right now. She just...wanted to point out that humans were idiots, because she had an excellent pedigree that any Dalish would be pleased to bond with.

She also wants to point out that they have a duty to the clan to produce, but that is making it really weird. She can tell it's getting weird for Gavin, and it's pretty clear what he's thinking of when he speaks. ]

What if the other person is perfect? Like...You can't see any flaws in them at all.

I don't know. I'm being theatrical. I don't even want to bond with anyone yet. I'm just saying that humans are idiots, and I could get a good Dalish guy if I wanted.

[ She presses her face into his shoulder, giving a little sigh. She was feeling calmer now, with someone to talk to, someone she trusted, someone who was nice, said nice things to her. She feels a little stupid for the whole ordeal, really. She's better off this way. ]

Maybe next arlathvhen. I could go find a new clan that needs a First and has some nice looking guys. Me and Sorrel could transfer.

Everyone has flaws. But feelings can certainly blind us to them.

[He turned his head then, looking down at her with a raised eyebrow. Humans were dumb? Well - yes. But that--]

Was someone unkind to you? I would hate for you to leave us because some idiot said something and you thought you'd have to-- [He was getting really confused now.]

... Beleth, you know you don't have to tell me. But if you want to explain what happened...

[ She groaned, one hand slipping up to rub her face. ]

Gavin, I won't--I'm not going to transfer. Certainly not any time soon. I'm just getting carried away. Creators give me strength. Or give you strength, for dealing with me. Let's start over, because I am an idiot and you are being very patient.

[ How had she even gotten down that path, anyway. She takes a deep breath. ]

I was reassuring myself that I'm probably not entirely unattractive as a potential partner and maybe someday someone I like will actually like me back. And if that doesn't happen, then...whatever. That's what happened. I'm just being a baby and everything is perfectly fine. And I'll feel better in the morning and realize that everything worked out for the best, anyway.

[ She doesn't want to name names, she doesn't want anyone getting in trouble. It's not anyone's fault. Except hers, maybe. Probably. But Sam was a really good guy, and Krem was a really good guy, and they both deserved happiness, and a partner that would make them happy. ]

[There was a pang of sympathy pain in his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. Unrequited feelings, that's what it boiled down to. And that - well, that was certainly something he understood too well, even if they usually caused him to just. You know. Run away. (He really wasn't the best example of how to deal with these things.) The fact that this was about a human was... oddly revealing, but he resisted saying anything about it, or asking about it. Beleth was suffering enough.]

If they can't see how wonderful you are, they're probably a fool anyway. [He murmured it quietly, and meant it.] But it's alright to be sad, Beleth. You're allowed to let yourself be. As long as if someone hurts you, you tell me or Merrick so we can stab them. [It was a joke (probably), and after he delivered it he smiled into her hair, squeezing her gently.]

I don't think they're a fool. And I don't want them stabbed. But I guess I am sad.

[ She should probably stop being sad. It was dumb. She had barely known anyone here outside of her clan that long at all. It wasn't like she'd been harboring a crush for years or something out of some romantic story. It was just a thing. A thing she was overdramatizing because she had the emotional maturity of an elf half her age, apparently. Drumming up theatrics and worrying Gavin because someone cute found someone else cute that wasn't her. ]

But I'll be okay.

[ She took the simple affections as they were given. It makes her feel younger, like she was back in the clan, a child with a nightmare. She curls up against him, giving a drawn out sigh, then blew her hair out of her eyes. ]

Eugh. This is what I get, anyway. Trying to mess around with stupid humans.

[He didn't reply right away, the smile on his lips, and the fondness blooming in his chest, was enough to keep words at bay for a few minutes.]

They are pretty stupid, but I'm proud of you, Beleth. [He murmured it as his fingers ran through her hair, gently untangling any knots they found.] It takes courage, to open your heart to new things, and new people. Just because it hurts sometimes doesn't mean it's not worth it.

[ She wants to snap at him to not be proud of her, that it's not worth it, and it was a mistake. That it was stupid and she's going to stop bothering with these stupid humans from now on. But Beleth recognizes her own kneejerk reactions, and she knows that lashing out won't get anywhere. She should be happy that Gavin is proud of her. At least someone is. ]

Don't tell any of the others, please. I mean--Cyril kinda knows, because I asked him to...not try anything. But after I've been so hard on the humans...Not that they don't deserve it.

But I don't want anyone to get after me about it.

[ The last thing she wanted was to be called a hypocrite for something that didn't even work out. ]

Of course I won't. Why would I? [Even if he didn't think it warranted secrecy, it was still her story to tell, not his, if and when she wished to tell it.]

That isn't mine to say anything of. Though I admit I find it mildly depressing, that you should have to worry about anyone 'getting at you' for it. [Even if it was a completely legitimate fear, considering.]

I find the things I have to worry about mildly depressing in general.

...Thanks, Gavin. I feel better. Sorry for...rambling and getting so side tracked.

[ She leans up to give him a kiss on the cheek. Mwah. Then she snuggles up against him, pressing her face to his chest. ]

It'll be okay. I'll always have you guys. The clan.

Edited 2015-11-17 14:47 (UTC)

[He smiled as she gave him a kiss, and then rubbed her shoulder as she snuggled close.]

You can ramble at me anytime.

[There was a pause, his hand still moving - as if he was trying to keep her arm warm, but it wasn't actually that cold.]

You'll always have me. Even if I'm not around, Beleth, I've got you.

IC INBOX for FADE RIFT

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